You might be concerned if your soon-to be spouse has ever been married. Don’t be. It’s possible that you and your partner may feel different about your nuptials. However, this is unlikely to be a problem in terms of happiness. You may feel nervous about the big day, especially if you have never been to a wedding as the guest of honor. However, your partner is likely anxiously anticipating what the future holds for you. Your partner may also be anxious about what the future holds, particularly in relation to their past union. Michele Moore, a licensed professional counselor, coach and relationship expert at Marriage Mojo, says that many people are anxious about their ex-spouse’s influence on them. This is especially true if their partner shares custody with the person, as they know that this person will be a constant part of their lives for many years to come.
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It doesn’t matter if you are entering into a new marriage for the first time or your third or fourth. There are some things you can do to help your relationship and make it easier. First, don’t assume your partner abandons relationships because they have been married and divorced before. She adds, “Do not forget to understand your partner’s perspective on what went wrong and what they would like to change. Also, consider how their decision to divorce has affected them.”
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Remember that children and family come first. Mullen says that if there are children from an earlier relationship, the new spouse will need to know what their role in this new family. This discussion should take place prior to marriage. It also discusses how to balance your time with your spouse and your time with their children. Mullen says that if the couple have not lived together before marriage, it may take some adjustment to how the daily life looks. However, this discussion should be done prior to the wedding. If this is unclear, it can lead to a difficult marriage.
Although not the most pleasant conversation to have, past relationship issues are an important topic. You should not only discuss your partner’s past marital problems, but also any difficulties you have had in your relationship. Moore warns that unless your spouse has addressed the causes of their marriage failure in the past, these issues are likely to arise again in this marriage.
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Due to the legal obligations that your spouse may have to an ex-spouse, financial strains can also be a burden. Mercedes Coffman is a licensed marriage- and family therapist. “A divorce generally ends in a settlement and division of the financial ties but some might still be around,” she says. If the couple were in business together, it is possible that business communications will occur between your partner (or his/her ex) and you. Coffman also points out that alimony agreements may need to be made. This could impact financial plans you have for your marriage.
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Are you ready for the good news? Many marriages have successfully adapted to all or some of these points. These are just reminders of the things you need to be prepared for when marrying someone who’s been married before,” states Coffman. If the right questions are answered before the marriage, and the couple is honest and open with one another, it can lead to a beautiful union.